Its the World Population day. I don’t know why this day exist: to celebrate the population, to create awareness, or to make more population. Its too obvious that they won’t be celebrating the population, which kinda suck because it is one of few things where we can brag. Imagine a 19 year old Indian population fan posting India’s census results on Maria Sharapova’s Facebook wall or Union Government announcing 200 Crore statue on India’s reaching the 200 Crore population landmark. Lalu Prasad Yadav could had got Padma Bhushan for creating a Cricket squad at home and Dhritarashtra would had been national symbol for having 101 kids.
Well, if population was to really be celebrated, the following individuals/institutes should be thanked first:
1. Indian Railways:
Indian Railways has the widest network in the world (ok…2nd widest). It connects the big cities to village, jungles and dacoits and on the way leaves many sleepless couples. This is true, you can not sleep in the room near the railway tracks, unless you are death-doped or stayed in that place from the time of AK Hangal’s childhood days. In one of the essays in school, my friend actually mentioned railways as prime reason for India’s soaring population (no kidding here). He was later asked to explain in class by the teacher ( i still don’t know why) and he explained with absolute sincerarity that even Siddhu would be staring him with the silence of the lamp. Anyways, well done Indian Railways in connecting India.
2. Arrange Marriage/ Sanskaar
Our middle class Sanskaar and Arrange marriage system make sure that every Indian, no matter how ancient he/she is, have a long and protected lineage. Pre-matrial sex is absolute taboo and “are you virgin” is a legit conversation during arranged couple’s courtship. In fact, many believe that only reason sex exist is to bring more offspring in the world and has no other contribution to the relationship. This results that many in India celebrate their 1st wedding anniversary with their kid in their arm.
3. Load Shedding Program by UP Government
UP Government has always been blamed for small things like Rioting and absence of Women safety but rarely praised for its load shedding program at the night. They leave the couples with no option but to make out in the night by forgoing electricity. Actually, the joint family culture in Uttar Pradesh gives no room for privacy to couples. They have to share their rooms with nieces, nephews, the stranger with the gun and water buffaloes. Therefore, powercut makes sure that they have some privacy. One beurrocrate from the state explained that, it is a “load shedding” in various levels.
4. Marketing Campaign of Modi Sarkaar:
BJP’s campaign that “Acche Din Ab Anne Wale Hai” ( Good days are about to come) took people’s esctasy to abnormal level and in excitement people ordered extra portions of Jalebi Fafra and made out each time FM announced “Janta maaf nahi karegi”. The bombardment of population will come soon, and Modi Sarkar will have another milestone to its name.
In every second movie of Ranjit, a random women in saree (who in the previous scene was in
VIctoria Secret Karol Bagh Chaddi Association’s lingerie) announces to him that “mein tumhare bacche ki maa banne wali hu”. At that rate of announcements, Ranjit could had broken the record of Rodger Fedrer’s number of Grand-Slam titles. With the ease that Ranjit handled his paternal pressure inspired many Indian men to start giving less shit to these worries.
Who/whom according to you shares this population Hall of Fame with the above delegates ? Do write to me.