Thank you for the overwhelming response on the Guide Book to Indian Wedding Part I. After observing some more wedding closely, I am back with other significant wedding characters and their salient characteristics which will help you survive the wedding nuisance.
5. Overly Attached Couple:
They might be newly wed or pretend to be newly wed but they are very important part of the wedding scenes . They pose for million photographs, share food from the same plate and hold hands even while scratching the groins. The couple’s love invokes Onida’s commercial (Neighbor’s Envy anyone ?) but to know the true story, one must interview the house maid who can testify for the possession of Television remote on the prime time and Balika Vadu life-size action figure, about their true love. Anyways, who wants to play Sherlock on the visibly happy couple on the wedding night with matching underwears and salty colgate smile.
6. The comparison aunty
(Thanks Tanay for the idea)
The Comparsion Aunty(TC-A) is like Film Critique. TC-A are useless but still marries are incomplete without them. There sole purpose to be in the wedding is to compare every hook and corner of wedding. Their usual benchmark is their richest neighbor or the poorest relative. An average TC-A compares 17 things in 1 Wedding hour which will sum up to 4200 things in 10 days wedding celebration (and we are talking about 1 Comparison Aunty) . And you thought who will notice your un-matched socks !
7. The Statistics Uncle
Above data like TC-A compares 17 things in 1 Wedding Hour was brought to you by one of these Statistics Uncle (and I am not that). They are the number people of wedding circles, who keeps the conversation going with the most unflattering statistics. “Dilli Mein Aaj 20 Lakh saadhiya hai, “93.36% of American Marriages ends in divorce.” Ramdev’s Mutra(Fresh Brewed urine produced by consuming Govmutra) can cure more than 3 Million Diseases (half of which has not been discovered yet ). They are the olders and more animated version of Twitter Trolls which see now a days.
8. Car-o-Bar Manager
Car-o-bar Manager might also sound like Business Manager but with different sets of responsibility. According to ground breaking Stats by a Statistics Uncle from Chattisgarh, only 19% of Indian wedding serves liquor officially but in 102% weddings, we find drunk people either dancing at the Baraat with Handkerchief snake in their mouth or at the Groom lifting competition at the reception. The credit for this buzz goes to Car-o-Bar Manager who makes sure there is enough liquor running in the systems of fun loving, devil-may-fuck wedding guests.
Car-o-Bar is a mobile Bar. You sit in the car, mix your drink, gulb it quickly and then disappear in flash. Normally grooms friends from Northern India (Haryana, Punjab ) are selected as Car-o-Bar Manager. Other choices are Maternal uncles, Family well-wisher from Army and Always-Helpful-Neighbor.
So, what do you think about my wedding characters ? Do you have any wedding story which is typically Indian and which will bother our laughing bones? Do write to me.
Some ‘more’ Puns on My Blog